Jesu, juva
Years ago, I came home from work exhausted. My wife was out of town. I didn’t feel like cooking. I asked my son Caleb if he wanted to grab a bite to eat. We decided on IHOP because we both love breakfast for supper.
We sat in a booth. A waitress approached to take our order. She talked me into trying a dish they had on special.
Caleb and I sat talking. Time passed. Too much time. Something was wrong. The waitress came by and apologized, saying the day shift had been slow. A few minutes later, she brought our food.
I looked at my plate. I didn’t get the crepes she’d talked me into. Instead, some type of waffles covered in strawberries. I reminded her about the crepes. She apologized and returned a few minutes later with what I’d actually ordered.
As she walked back to the kitchen, I heard Caleb say, “She’s not a very good waitress, is she.”
I didn’t reply. Just acknowledged what he said.
THE PARADIGM SHIFT
When the waitress laid the crepes on our table, she apologized again. But this time, she added something:
“I’m so sorry. It was my fault that your food was late and you got the wrong thing. You see, my husband died four days ago and I just can’t get my head together. I returned to work today hoping it would take my mind off it a little, but it’s not working out so well.”
I felt terrible. I told her I was sorry for her loss. Wanting to show I cared, I asked if she and her husband were from this area. If he’d suffered from cancer or some sickness.
You could have heard a pin drop.
“No. He killed himself at work. Said he just couldn’t take it any longer. He doesn’t know how bad he hurt me by doing that. If I could reach across to the other side, I’d choke him.”
She walked back to the kitchen. Caleb watched her go. He told me she was crying and another waitress had her arms around her.
THE TEACHING MOMENT
Caleb said to me quietly, “Dad, I feel like crap.”
I asked him why.
He reminded me of his comment about her being a bad waitress.
I looked him in the eyes and nodded. “Yes sir. This is one of those moments in your life you can learn so much from if you’ll really take it in.”
“You’re right,” he said. “I still feel like crap, though.”
That opened the door. I seized it.
“Son, listen. Often in life we make judgments about others when we don’t have the whole picture. When someone is bothering you, pull out of your tunnel vision. Realize there may be a bigger story behind their behavior.”
“So many times, people are dealing with things in their lives that make it virtually impossible for them to function normally. They can’t hold it together the way they want to. They can’t meet the responsibilities they know they should.”
GIVE GENEROUSLY
As we were leaving, I felt one more inspiration to use this moment.
When the waitress returned with my credit card, Caleb watched me sign the receipt. The standard 15% tip would have been about three dollars.
I marked through the gratuity line. Reached into my wallet. Found a twenty-dollar bill. Laid it on the table. We walked away.
“Wow, Dad. That’s a lot, isn’t it?” Caleb said.
As we were leaving, I told him, “Turn around and look back for a moment.”
He did. The waitress was looking at us through the window, smiling and waving.
I know it wasn’t much. It was what I had available in that moment. As we walked to the car, I told Caleb:
“Nothing you will ever do in this life will mean more to you than moments like this when you can give. Regardless of how big or small it is, give. Remember that.”
I drove home thankful to God for giving me such a teaching moment with my son.
THE PRINCIPLE
Don’t be quick to judge.
You don’t know what battles people are fighting. You don’t know what trauma they’re carrying. You don’t know what happened to them four days ago that’s still tearing them apart.
Only God knows their hearts. Let Him judge matters of the heart.
Matthew 7:1-2 — Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
There’s another scripture that humbles me every time I find myself in a position of judging someone’s actions:
Galatians 6:1 — Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you won't be tempted also.
A gentle spirit. That’s what we’re called to.
YOUR MOVE
The next time someone irritates you, remember this story. The next time service is slow, the cashier is rude, the driver cuts you off, or someone at work drops the ball, stop.
Ask yourself: What don’t I know about their story?
Maybe their husband died four days ago. Maybe they’re battling cancer. Maybe they just lost their job. Maybe their kid is on drugs. Maybe they’re one bad day away from a breakdown.
You don’t know.
So instead of judgment, show grace. Instead of criticism, show compassion. Instead of the minimum, give generously.
Because one day, you’ll be the one falling apart. You’ll be the one barely holding it together. You’ll be the one who desperately needs someone to see past your poor performance to the pain underneath.
And you’ll pray that person shows you the same grace you’re being called to show today.
Show the gentle spirit. Give the generous tip. See the bigger picture.
Blane
SDG
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